Funny Things to Say at a Urinal
What did the janitor get for his birthday?
A urinal cake.
I'll admit it, I often jack off in the bathroom at work.
Some of the guys here think it's strange that I use the urinal.
A man walks into a public bathroom...
...as he stands at the urinal he notices written on the wall in front of him "BEWARE GAYS" ignoring it he then goes to wash his hands when above the hand dryers he sees it written again "BEWARE GAYS" as he turns to leave he sees something written on the floor in small lettering and bends over to read it... "we warned you twice"
A guy walks in to a restroom.....
and sees president Obama and president Putin at the urinal talking.
The guy: what are you talking about?
Obama: How we are going to start world war 3.
Putin: Our idea is that we kill 50.000 Ukrainians and an it-consultant.
The guy: why an it-consultant?
Putin says to Obama.
Ha, told you no one would care about the Ukrainians!
It's the day of the big game, and a (pick your rivalry) Michigan fan meets an Ohio State fan at the urinal trough...
The Buckeye notices that the Michigan fan doesn't wash his hands after he uses the bathroom. He snidely remarks, "You know, at The Ohio State University, they teach us to wash our hands after using the bathroom."
The Wolverine pauses, looks back, and says, "Good for you. At Michigan, they teach us not to pee on our hands."
Why did you destroy that urinal cake?
Peer pressure
I was at a urinal when I realized standing to my left was Muhammad Ali and to my right was Michael J. Fox...
bad day to wear sandals.
I hate when people try to start conversations while waiting for a urinal
Why don't people mind their P's and Q
Standing at the urinal
I was in a public restroom earlier today and another man came in and commented that the some of the lights were burnt out. Then he said "I used to come in here for show and tell, but now it's more like search and rescue!"
I just used the messiest urinal...
If you ever see the model "Dyson Airblade" just go use a regular toilet. If you'll excuse me, I need a shower.
What do you call two guys using the same urinal?
Peers
You can explore urinal lavatory reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean urinal jamaican dad jokes. There are also urinal puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Where does Q come before P?
In front of a busy urinal.
Sign over the urinal in Dad's favorite bar
We keep this restroom clean because we aim to please ... so, you aim too, please.
I stood at a urinal the other day and started doing my business.
Above the urinal on the wall someone had wrote;
"The jokes not here, its in your hand"
What do you get when a deaf guy tries to talk to you at a urinal?
Wet
What did the American guy say to the French guy at the urinal
"Hey, ur a peein'!"
What do you call the urinal section of the bathroom?
The place where all the dicks hang out.
What's the last thing you want to hear while using a urinal?
"nice watch"
Like a midget at a urinal...
always stay on your toes
What did the pokemon say as he stood next to you at the urinal?
Sorry, did my pee catch you?
A man addicted to eating urinal cakes was arrested for robbing his disabled mom in an elevator.
That's wrong on so many levels.
What does a pterodactyl have in common with a urinal?
P in front of it
No matter how much you shake and dance...
...the last few drops end up in your pants.
-Tales from the Urinal
I was at an art gallery.
"Absolutely beautiful, isn't it?" I asked the guy next to me. "The way the yellow combines with the grey. The way the colours intertwine. Truly remarkable."
He stepped away from the urinal and left.
Went to the bathroom at school...
Went to the bathroom at school and saw a paperclip in the urinal.
Thought to myself: Looks like someone has too much iron in their diet.
An American starts using a urinal next to an Englishman
The American turns to him and says "Hey European"
The Englishman replies "I know"
Two Jewish Guys at the Urinal
There were two Jewish guys next to each other at the urinals. The guy on the right turns to other and asks: "You were circumcised by Rabbi Brown, weren't you?"
"I was! How did you know?"
"You're peeing on my shoe."
I was using the urinal when a guy walks in and says
"get a hold of yourself"
At the urinals
Stood next to a guy with a bike helmet on at the urinals at the train station, thought it would be hilarious to say "nice helmet", never seen someone so shocked in my life.
Today I saw a penny in a urinal and wondered what they wished for.
I'm wishing for a drier pocket.
What do you call an 80 year old at an urinal?
Ole Miss
I am having a leak at the urinal, and the guy next to me says: My god! It's like a stove pipe!
— Yeah! I answer, it's big, eh?
— No! It's dirty!
At last once in his life, a man has to take a step back
...from the urinal and see how good his aim is.
What do you call a large Irish lizard using a urinal?
Commode O'Dragon
I stopped using the urinal at my job.
I was tired of reading, "You're holding the joke in your hand" on the wall
Scrawled on the toilet urinal wall
The future is in your hands !!!
What did the Italian man say to the guy in the urinal next to him?
European
At the urinal, we're all the same nationality
Euro'peein
How do you get a guy to walk four times further than necessary?
Stand at the second urinal.
I've decided to start sitting to pee instead of standing.
People may think it's weird, but I just really like the way the urinal cradles my junk.
I finally found the person
Me: What's the difference between an urinal and a bathtub?
Him: What is it?
Me: Guys, I found out who it is
Hey guys please stop putting half-smoked cigarettes in the urinal
It makes them soggy and makes them hard t light up.
The other day I used a very high urinal
I didn't like it: if I was 5 centimeters shorter (or longer ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)) I would have touched the porcelain.
Graffiti seen above a urinal in the men's room...
What are you looking up here for? The real joke is in the comments.
Yesterday, I saw a man standing all alone.
Even though he was turned away from me, I sensed something in his demeanor that suggested he could use some help. So being considerate, I approached him, placing a hand on his shoulder and asking " Do you mind if I join you? "
He certainly left the urinal in a hurry.
I was at the urinal the other day my buddy walks up and says...
So I hear this is where all the dicks hang out.
I decided to try the old yawn and put your arm around them trick
The guy at the urinal next to mine wasn't amused.
What did the Irish guy say to the Italian guy using a urinal?
European!
What does Stalin's son have in common with Freshmen at a urinal?
Neither of them can aim right
What did Dr. Obvious say to the Frenchman at the urinal?
European.
I had a few too many drinks in a restaurant the other night, went to the bathroom and wound up accidentally peeing in the sink instead of the urinal..
At least I think I did. It was hard to concentrate with all those angry women yelling at me.
Urinal etiquette tips
It's okay to say Hi to the man next to you at the urinal. It's even okay to say Hi, how's it going? It's not okay to say Hi. Nice watch!
What did the Frenchman say to the German at the urinal?
European
I went to the Urinal in a bar today
The guy standing next to me said is this six feet? . I looked down and said Mate, you're lucky if that's six inches
How do you evaluate a urinal?
Peer reviews
They recently removed the urinal from our mens washroom at work...
I really miss that urinal. I mean I missed it once in awhile when it was there... But now I really miss it!
Seen written on the wall over a urinal in the men's room...
What are you looking at? The joke's in your hand.
A man is at the urinal when the Dalai Lama walks in and stands next to him.
The man is shocked. He then proceeds to ask, "Oh Your Holiness, may I ask of your wisdom?", the Dalai Lama replies, "Yes my son, you need to look down."
Taken aback, the man asks, "So you mean I need to look deep down into my being?", the Dalai Lama replies, "No my son, you need to look down because you're pissing on your shoes."
Guess what I got my toilet for birthday?
A Urinal cake.
I got drunk and fell into the urinal.
I'm pretty pissed.
I visited an art gallery.
"Absolutely gorgeous, don't you think?" I asked the fellow next to me. "The way the yellow combines with the grey...the way the colours intertwine. Truly beautiful."
He slowly stepped away from the urinal and left.
At the urinal
Two man, pissing side by side.
"Sorry sir, do you happen to be of the Jewish faith?"
"Erh... yes I am."
"You are from Krakow?"
"Yes."
"And did you always go to the small synagogue in the Lipowitz Street?"
"Yes, do we know each other?"
"I don't think so. But you were born between 1970 and 1980?"
"Yes, could you finally tell me where we met?"
"We have not met, sir. But in the small synagogue in the Lipowitz Street in Krakow, Rabbi Goldberg war responsible for the bris in between 1970 and 1980. And the good Rabbi never managed to make a clean cut. And you're pissing on my shoes".
Three automobile managers at the urinal
The first goes to the sink and dries his hands with so many paper towels that not even the smallest droplet remains. "At Opel, we learn to be extremely thorough," he says.
The second uses only one towel for this and remarks: "At BMW, we also learn to be extremely efficient."
The third walks past the sink and says, "At Daimler, we don't piss all over our hands!"
While waiting to use the men's room at a local bar I noticed everyone would do their business, sing, and then flush.
Then I saw the sign above the urinal, "Flush after using".
I was accused of clock watching at work the other day
At least I think that's what the angry guy at the urinal beside me said.
Source: https://jokojokes.com/urinal-jokes.html
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